things just aren't the same

I have been reading about Erik Quinn the Heart of a family for several months now, and one of the earliest blogs Nancy wrote was the shock she felt when she discovered that WS syndrome was part of her life. She writes that she felt like she packed to go to Rome, her passport and tickets said Rome, her guidebook and map was for Rome, but then she woke one morning and found herself in Amsterdam. When Simon was diagnosed it was similar - the party where all your friends are on the patio, you go inside to pick up a few more nibbles or a couple of cocktails, and when you walk back outside someone has shut the patio doors - your brain is already outside, ready to riposte that last remark you heard, ready to top the comment about the checkout, and instead you hit the glass, you find yourself on the floor surrounded by sausages thinking what happened. Your head for a couple of seconds is outside.

Hub is not happy

Hub is not a happy creature tonight as he is facing a reorganisation at work, potentially meaning he is working with people he doesn't want to. Full of sympathy of course, but can't help remembering the last 6 months when I have been in such turmoil at work, only to realise that I am effectively trapped due to the money situation we are in. I did say at the time that we could sell everything - the houses etc, and start a business ourselves, but ultimately we decided that the situation was not that bad. Well, it was that bad actually, and I have taken some knocks this year, so maybe Hub has to realise it is now his turn to swallow things he doesn't like and learn to live with things.

He has a meeting tomorrow to sort it out so we'll see.

Not a bad day otherwise. Not cold, not sunny, not bright, not frosty, one of those not quite sure days. Busy as usual, got the washing picked up, did tuna and white wine sauce for tea, Oxford tomorrow.

Apple Pie

I am feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight as I have that bloated feeling that sometimes happens when I've been good and had my five a day veggie fruit fix. You know the one, where the skin on your stomach goes from comfy and faintly wrinkly to stretched tauter than a drum in the space of 30 minutes, when you know that one good fart (hopefully behind closed doors to preserve dignity!) will cure all but is not on the horizon for at least 7 hours, and where deflatine is to be taken in large quantities!

Ho hum, time for Heroes! One of Hub's apple pies and a cider, - kill or cure!

Long time, no blog

Can't do this with Hub here. Not sure why not, just diairies have always been written without Persons having access. I have diaries from 1985, when I was getting beaten regularly, and 1998 when 2nd hub was dying.

SoNotBotheredFrog7th July, anniversary

This is the frog in our garden. I have to say that I wish I had taken this picture as it is pretty cool, but actually this was taken by the Hub.

We built Dastardly, the granite water feature, wherein sits the Frog, about three years ago. "Dastardly", because it cost a fortune, wheighed an effing ton.

At the shop they moved it on a fork lift.

Here it took my Hub and Ex!. I obviously lik men worth at least half a fork lift!

And four years later we have a frog living in Dastardly who is so not bothered by the flash! Took about fourteen shots to get the above, but did Mr Frog bother?? So he is immune to the flash.

So we have a SoNotBothered Frog living in Dastardly in our Garden.

Bank holiday monday and it's wet wet wet

One of the wettest bank holidays for a long time. We usually have a barbecue over the bank holiday and really have lots of luck with the weather, but recently we felt that people would be thinking, oh god, they're having another barbecue, so we decided not to have one this weekend and it rained all day yesterday and most of today. At least 50 mm have rained upon us, bit of a difference from the April we had which was so hot and sunny.

Yesterday went to B & Q and bought a load of troughs, compost and plants, which have sat on my garden bench for over 24 hours now, being liberally watered. Hub also got all the things to finish putting the tellie on the wall. The bracket we got could support a jumbo jet, and the only instructions that came with it showed how to put together a bit which was already put together when we got it! It took a huge hammer drill, me with the Vax strategically placed to suck up the dust as Hub made the holes in the walls, and God, what holes. At one point Hub went round to check the outside to make sure he hadn't come through! Then in went the chemical stuff to hold the bolts. It was grey, and runny, and on a piece of card, and the cat was jumping around!! All hovering over the carpet! Finally we got the bracket up this morning. - looks good, and the tellie now folds flat against the wall when we are not watching it. Cos of the rain today though it has been on all day so we have not tested this position yet!!

Hope the rain stops tomorrow - back to work which will be hard enough.

Ho hum.

The Drugs don't Work

Just updated my profile, while listening to the Verve. This particular track always reminds me of Late Hub. If ever it comes on the radio or CD in the car, I always choke, I cannot sing along with it. Gets me every time.

Football and stuff

Been a strange couple of days. Firstly got the results of the grievance hearing appeal. Long story short, I complained because one of my staff gets paid more than I do. Seems reasonable to me that if I take more responsibility then I should be rewarded for this. The company reacted as if this is a strange one, that somehow I have gone mad asking for this. Their response - the staff member gets paid too much so they will not award him the annual pay rise, even though he scored really well in his appraisal. Oh, and I won't get any more after this year either. So now, I feel that I am responsible for him not getting a rise, and I still am no better off. So I appealed, on the grounds that I feel it is unfair to penalise him, and it would be OK if everyone paid more than the recommended maximum for their grade were to have their pay frozen, but if not then it is not fair to react to my grievance by penalising hm. Got the response yesterday, basically the same, no rise for him, no change for me, and the comment that now this is out of the way perhaps I can concentrate on my new role! So I was supposed to go to the IDM show today and couldn't be bothered. Fuck em.

Over the last week I have been knocked back on the appeal, been moved to another division after 19 years in the old one, lost half my team, with no real rhyme or reason, had a new manager appointed to a role that wasn't advertised, so I didn't have the chance to go for it. They really know how to piss a person off.

Monday as always

Lovely sunny morning, but hard to get out of bed as usual on a Monday. Hub had cleared up some of the kitchen and it was the sort of day when I wanted to go and drink my coffee in the garden and eat fresh fruit and muesli like they do in books. Instead no time to brew so only instant and I don't like muesli!

No leisure either - just enough time to look out the back door and realise some creature has eaten my parsley! I pottered for three hours or so yesterday checking out all the patio pots and plants, moving seedlings and herbs, dead heading and re planting and making sure that all the little seedlings in the greenhouse have a reasonable chance of survival while we are away. Two of my little transplantlings, my parsley, have been munched! Swine, the lot of them!

Anyway, just at the point I left the house I realised that the car is due its MOT today and that they are picking it up between 9 and 10. It is now 8.50, so no chance of being on time, given the usual traffic and also the diversion from junction 25's roadworks. As I got to work, Jill in reception was trying to get hold of me, and said in exasperation when I got there that did I know my voicemail wasn't working! Yes Jill, I know! Only been trying to sort this out for the last 4 weeks after they got rid of Teleware...

Then spent a long meeting with one of our main suppliers. This is in my old role (as per last week) where I am treated as a grown up and representing marketing and commercial information. Three hours of negotiation and very productive. Later on to a meeting for the new team at which I introduce myself as working for BI for 19 years - sorry, worked - have a team which looks after credit and marketing - need past tense again - and it became clear once again that we have been given no indication of what we are to be doing in the new regime even though they are saying business as usual. How can it be BAU when I have lost half my team and only a third of the work?

Next Mr Marie tells me he wants to move to a new role which, if it had come up before he applied to work for me, would have been ideal for him. So I now have a team where I have lost the two most experienced members, I am left with a relative novice, a vacancy, a potential leaver and me - and I am on holiday followed by jury service for a couple of weeks. And then they wonder why I get so angry at the way they leave our clients exposed!

Finally to the dentist for yet another tooth out - one of the ones which didn't fall out on its own, which therefore costs £239! - and a discussion about implants. expensive pain, by the sounds of it. Will be having X rays and all sorts in June, to plan how to proceed.

Then home to find that the plumber has left the tenant with no fire, one radiator downstairs which doesn't work, no way of controlling the temperature upstairs, a noisy boiler and no shower!

Will be meeting him tomorrow at 6 to go through it all. Ho Hum. Typical Monday.

Tomorrow has to be better, right??

April is hot, Hot HOT!

It's official. This April has been the hottest in the UK for nearly 350 years. Apparently there have been weather records kept in the Central England area since 16 something, and this April is about 5 degrees hotter than any yet recorded. Also, if you take the last twelve months rolling temperatures then it has been about 3 degrees hotter.

The new Old Market Square has been open in Nottingham for the last few weeks and I was there this morning on my way to have my hair cut. The tram dropped me off fifteen minutes early, the sun was shining and I had a fag left in my handbag from last night, purloined last minute off Perks. So I crossed the granite, all splintery sunlight, and sat by a flowerbed and watched the kids playing in the fountain. Only a couple of them at that time, but running through the arches of water and getting thoroughly soaked! The fountain has been designed for children to play in, it's like a huge paddling pool, and the kids don't need asking twice, they are straight in there, running through, underneath, jumping the jets, splashing each other, it's wonderful. Doesn't matter how old they are, they lose all "street" when they get in, and just get wet instead, faces stretched wide and laughs flying high.

There were vintage cars, buses and tractors in the square advertising an event due at Wollaton hall next weekend, and a hurdy gurdy organ, just the perfect sound track. So I sat and smoked, and just looked. Brilliant.

Then walked to have my hair done. They have finished the street repairs on Castle Gate, it's looking good. I stopped and looked in the window of the wine merchants - nice bottle of Margaux in a gift box. Thought I might buy it for Hub, but depends how much the trim costs. Don't have to wait long when I get in, I swear too that the gowns they make you wear have got bigger. I never know quite whether to put it on like a coat to fasten at the front, or like a hospital gown to fasten at the back, so always stand like some imbecile waiting to be dressed! Finally get velcroed and tied in, and sit down in front of the mirror. Instantly you can see every single grey hair sprouting from the top of my head and I look as though I haven't bothered with make up. What is is about the lights in here? Last time, when having my hair washed, I seemed to be positioned right underneath one of the halogen things, and had an aura round everything I looked at for the next ten minutes.

I get shampooed from the Laminates range. Apparently this will help keep my hair sleek. Ho hum, first time for everything I guess. The lass who washes this time is a perky little thing, about 12, and full of chatter about the sun and what I did last night, and what I'm doing tonight. Then she hands me over the Ruth. I am Ruth's Client, Perky is Ruth's Washer, and there is always the Audience, who stand and watch whatever she does when she cuts and blowdries, waiting for the skill to be absorbed into their own repertoir. Within the salon, there are always those with Client, Washer and Audience.

Ruth is incredibly slim, trendy, blonde and friendly. Thank God for the last, or I wouldn't be able to bring myself to expose my grey. This time we don't go for straightened, as I can't maintain it like that anyway, and I want to see what she can do with the curls rather than trying to beat them into submission.

Problem is, it doesn't take as long, so I feel slightly less pampered than usual when I leave, so buy myself the Laminates shampoo and conditioner to make up for it. (This comes to £26 on its own without the cost of the cut - bloody hell, what am I doing???) This means I can't afford the Margaux for Hub.

Still, by the time I get back to the market square to catch the tram, the sun is still shining, there are more people than ever just enjoying themselves, and even more kids in the fountain. They have trousers rolled up, shoes and socks off and some of them are just plain soaking, but what fun.

By this time a dance troupe of some sort have set up on a raised platform and are jiving to rock and roll which clashes gloriously with the Can Can being played on the hurdy-gurdy.

Back on the tram and home via the supermarket. Tell you what, when Hub sees the Bhaji and Samosa combination I get him off the deli counter, I won't feel bad about the Margaux anymore!

New tv's, E bay and new hip

Not that these things are related of course, except that I only discovered E bay thanks to my new hip and we have finally had the new tv delivered which was not ordered off E Bay.

When we first got our pc my hub was very nervous about ordering things off the web, in fact he refused to let me do anything such as download real player so that I could listen to the radio when I was "surfing"!

Then he discovered the delights and has been happily buying stuff ever since. I finally decided that the only way I would do what I wanted would be to buy my own laptop. Since then I have sold loads of stuff on E Bay, (as well as buying loads of stuff as well of course - well, shopping without leaving your armchair?? Mail order gone mad or what!!). Also blogging. I had to go in from time to time and edit as I didn't want to reveal too much about people who had no choice. I mean, I have always kept a diary on and off, but that stays in a drawer and only get seen if you die famous.

New hip though, that was something. My colleague, the one who had his op four weeks after me, has seen it as a total life changer - he has handed in his resignation and he is off to do volunteer work abroad. Good one, Marketing Man. Bit different for me, all I managed to achieve, apart from gold medal Christmas shopping of course, was finally getting the bedroom decorated. Had plasterers and decorators and new curtains and still waiting for the Hub to finish the floor. Looks cool though.

Very cold weather at the moment, we had all the storms last week, and we got a ridge tile through the car windscreen again! Second time in 12 months. What with that and the burglary earlier last year we have really done our no claims! Not managed to test out the new hip walking thing on snow yet, but managing very well at work and don't limp as bad. We have been out for a walk three times so far and also have borrowed an exercise bike off Big Girl so that we can cycle our way on the spot. certainly making a small difference so far on the old waistline.

Brother and Tescolass came over tonight to book their week with us in Spain in September. Poor girl will be fed up of hearing about fajitas and tapas by the time we go, although if she was going to be fed up of that then she would have decided not to go I guess! Brave bruv going on a plane without us and with a novice - he has really grown up over the last few months having left the Devil.